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Hi, I'm Marc van der Linden and I am very passionate about how I can inspire people to improve their life via personal and spiritual development.
How to use the power of love to grow
Love is something which is universal and discussed since ever. It is a subject which intrigues me for many years. I have heard many definitions from all kind of different perspectives. The one I love the most in the context of personal development is the one of Dr John Demartini, because it is not only the most simple, but also the most practical one:
“Love is the balance between both support and challenge of our own values.”
Love is everywhere, so it can be used for all levels of human beings: individual love (self love), relationships and family, your city, your country, your continent, the world. For the matter of simplicity I will discuss only about self-love, but the same principles can be applied to all other levels.
If you feel love, you will grow as an individual and that’s why it is so important. Without support you will not be able to grow. Without challenge you will not grow either. Both are necessary. Let’s explore what happens when support and challenge are not in balance and what you can do to get it again in balance.
Too much challenge
If you get challenged, you need to get support to feel love and grow. If you don’t get support, you will become frustrated very fast.
If you get too much challenge, it is the signal that you need to get support, ask help from somebody or just let go. If you neglect the frustration signal and stay resentful, it will increase until the moment you will end up with a personal ’crash’ or becoming ill.
I have seen this phenomenon happening over and over in working environments where employees get challenged to do work they don’t like, get frustrated and finally become ill.
I like to avoid being ill and I desire to stay in the state of love, so I try to dissolve my frustration signal faster. For example, as I only have part time to dedicate to my blog, it happens that I have very limited time to write a new blog post or that I have great ideas which I cannot implement immediately. This can make me feel frustrated and then I know I need support.
The first thing I do is trusting my own power and search for a solution by, e.g., better planning, or more efficient way of working. I trust that my own power supports me. In other cases, support comes from people around me. Sometimes I also need to trust in faith that I will get external support. These are the moments when true miracles happen: somebody ‘stumbled’ me just before going on holiday while I was frustrated how I could run my blog from abroad. At another moment, when I was stuck and frustrated while searching for a new idea, an old mate contacted me and offered me with a great opportunity to work together on a exciting brand new idea, which brought me again in the state of love.
Too much support
If you get supported, you need to be challenged to feel love and grow. If you don’t get any challenge, you will become over protected, become infatuated and juvenile very fast.
If you have so much support that everything becomes too easy, it is the signal that you need more challenge in your life. If you neglect this signal, it will become worse until the moment you will become less and less aware of the world around you and you can become juvenile . You can get what you want and you think that you are the king of the world. Finally, you miss the capability of reacting to any challenge and start to do what is the most easy for you: you become addicted to drinking, drugs or sex.
This happens with super-stars like, e.g., Jim Morrison, lead singer of the Doors. With his super-star status, he could get everything he wanted. He had no real challenges in life anymore, so he started with drugs, drinking and drugs until he finally died from his addictive life style.
There is a saying “there is no such thing as a free lunch”. Sometimes people offer me their services or things, and I know it is my challenge to be able to offer something back or refuse. If I cannot, these people will challenge me later, so I have to refuse. This keeps me in balance to be ready for the next challenge. If I can offer something back, there is balance of support and challenge which brings us in the state of love and the interaction will be great.
Too little challenge
If you have too little challenge, there is also too much support and you need more challenge to feel love and grow. If you don’t get the challenge, you will become lazy because you don’t have inspiring goals. You become resentful to others who have inspiring goals and need to be motivated by others to do things.
It is the signal you need to put inspiring goals for yourself. If you cannot do it, others will project their goals on you, and you will become resentful to them.
Many, many years ago, I had many moments of this kind. Sometimes, I just followed people without having my own goals and I found myself in a powerless situation. Since I made an inspiring ‘love list’, a list with ‘what I love to be, do and have in life’ and do daily affirmations, I never come in this state anymore. I update this list every 3 months and it brings me always in the state of love.
Too little support
If there is too little support, there is also too much challenge and you need support to feel love and grow. Often, I’m not even aware of that I have too little support, because I think I can do everything on my own.
When you are too cautious or too sensitive, it is the signal that you need more support. If you neglect this signal, everything becomes too difficult and without support you become sick and helpless.
This happens when you are too long at a work you don’t love or in a relationship which does not support you. I have had both situations in my life, but since I recognized and acted on the signals faster, so it becomes very rare I get in this situation.
Conclusion
I believe this is one of the most profound lessons I ever had in my life and I’m very grateful to my teacher on this subject, Dr John Demartini. To feel love and grow, you need both challenge and support. In nature, there are mechanisms to bring you always back in balance.
If you have too much challenge, you will get more support. If you have too much support, you will get more challenge. It will automatically happen according to the universal laws of the universe. We can avoid the turmoil of high challenges and very low support. We can grow and develop ourselves faster. We can do this by understanding and acting on this knowledge and bringing ourselves in this subtle balance which we call love.
Love is also a verb: it means we have to support and challenge ourselves and others.
If you liked this post, please let me know by commenting.
photo by h.koppenlaney
Related posts:
- How to move from living from your mind to living from your heart
- How to get the love of your life
- How to change your perspective to balance your emotions
12 Responses to “How to use the power of love to grow”
Comment from Marc van der Linden
Time October 3, 2011 at 8:53 pm
Hey Jimmy,
Yes, relationships where you not can grow – as a person and as a couple, love is indeed absent.
The Obama quote is a great example about growing through challenge and (self-)support. If you go only for the bucks, it is certainly a challenge. But does it support you? Money is only a catalyst of how you feel about yourself. If you feel great, money will you make feel greater. If you feel bad, money will you make feel even worse. So if you go for the bucks only, how can you feel better?
Thanks for sharing!
Comment from Vic
Time October 4, 2011 at 6:08 pm
Hi Marc,
I agree that there does need to be a balance between challenge and support. If fact, I don’t think that this is talked about enough. Thanks for bringing the subject up.
I also like your response to jimmy about how money makes you feel. I think you were right on target with that.
Vic recently posted..Are you holding a grudge? Here is how to stop it.
Comment from Marc van der Linden
Time October 4, 2011 at 8:11 pm
HI Vic,
You have completely right that this is not talked about enough.
Many people mix up the feeling of ‘in love’ with real love. Although love is something you only can experience by feeling, it is not just an emotion, but a force which is much stronger.
Also, people often think that people who challenge them, cannot love them. It took me very long time to really understand it, but people who challenge you the most, bring actually the most love. For every challenge, there is support. You only have to recognize it.
Thanks for commenting!
Comment from David Stevens
Time October 4, 2011 at 11:34 pm
Hi Marc,
“Love” is a topic often written about. I’m still not sure that I am any the wiser after reading many of them. Love to one may not be love to another, that’s why itis a dificult topic to cover. “Love” is available to us all if we make the choice to use it. That’s the best summary I can make. It is certainly one of our great ‘powers’ when used appropriately.
Dr John is entitled to his opinion/quote…..every one has one.I’m with you on the support & challenge. Both are very important.
be good to yourself
David
Turning ordinary into extraordinary
David Stevens recently posted..The Imagination series (part 2)
Comment from Marc van der Linden
Time October 5, 2011 at 7:43 am
Hi David,
Love is indeed one of our great powers. It is because it is not understood, that it is not been used as a powerful tool to improve the way of living. Currently many people live a life driven by fear instead of driven by love. I see love as a way to change our lives in a positive way.
Thanks for sharing!
Comment from Ryan Biddulph
Time October 5, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Hi Marc,
I dig your idea of balance.
Raise the bar, and know that as you do, you will be supported. You can pull back at moments to re-align yourself and receive love from people around you.
Never lower the bar too low. You begin to die, to atrophy, when you take it easy, and forget that the goal in life is progression. Move forward, and keep challenging yourself….or else you’re not really living.
Thanks!
Ryan
Comment from Marc van der Linden
Time October 5, 2011 at 8:36 pm
Hi Ryan,
Exact! You say it with completely other words, but they express exact the same principles. They are all universal and they work everywhere.
Thanks for this valuable comment!
Comment from Justin | Mazzastick
Time October 6, 2011 at 1:38 am
Hey Marc,
What you are saying here is that we need a balance of love challenge and support.
I too have experienced imbalances in these areas.
Justin | Mazzastick recently posted..The Moon Is A Death Star
Comment from Marc van der Linden
Time October 6, 2011 at 7:30 am
Hey Justin,
We all have imbalances in these area’s. It is an universal. Luckily there are also many solutions to bring us in balance. What is out of balance, can be brought in balance again.
Thanks for commenting!
Comment from Tyler J.Logan
Time October 14, 2011 at 1:59 am
I really do agree what you say about challenges! I really do believe that challenges are a way to increase our love walk! Sometimes,challenges can be frustrating! We do need love in our lives so that we can feel supported!
Thanks mar!
Comment from Marc van der Linden
Time October 14, 2011 at 7:54 am
Hi Tyler,
It is so true. Having challenges can be frustrating, but if we have the faith that we will get support = and it always does = we increase our love walk.
Thanks for sharing your comment!
Comment from Jimmy
Time October 3, 2011 at 10:30 am
Great concept of love defined here. If one does not grow, love is absence. It goes for relationships without saying I guess.
This posts reminds me of a quote by Barack Obama recently:
“Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a certain poverty of ambition. It asks too little of yourself. Because it’s only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself, that you realize your true potential.”
If love is about growing through challenges, than this quote certain provide ample fodder for love.
Jimmy recently posted..45 Secret Presentation Tips for a Powerful Impression – Part 3