This is the second part of the ‘what do you value in life’ series, where I will show you an amazing method to find your own core values. In the first post I presented the main principles of values and why it is so important to know your own values. If you have not yet read the first part, you can read it here.
Dr John Demartini has developed an unique and very practical method to discover your core values. Up until now it is my favorite method because it proved to be surprisingly easy and accurate. I have used this method for several years now and the results stayed stable, only changing slightly over the years.
This method can help you to find your core values by looking what your life actually demonstrates to you . Your life demonstrates what you value by showing where you use your time, space, energy and money for what is truly valuable for you.
The focus is on what is truly meaningful to you, not just on your emotional states: see my remark about this in my last post. For example if you have a value ‘personal development’, it can cover others meaningful values such as personal growth, building confidence, going for personal challenges and activities like blogging, reading books, attending seminars, learning, …
It is not so important how it is described. The real importance is that it means something to you.
First step: Answer the 12 questions
1. How do you fill your space? What are the themes you see if you look at the different places where you spend most of your time?
2. How do you spend your time?
3. How do you spend your energy?
4. How do you spend your money? In what do invest your money?
5. Where are you the most organized? Where do you demonstrate the most order?
6. Where are you the most disciplined? Where are you the most reliable and focused?
7. What do you think about the most? What thoughts keep following you everwhere you go?
8. What do you visualize? What do you daydream about?
9. What do you talk about with yourself? What do you dialogue about with yourself?
10. What do you talk about with others?
11. What does inspire you? What makes you smile or frown?
12. What goals do you set for yourself?
Take a notebook and put 3-5 answers down for every question or even better write it down digitally on your computer so you can review it regularly.
Second step: generalize and rank your values.
While you look at your values, look where you can generalize different values. For example, ’personal development books’ are always a part of my answer for the first question – they are everywhere I go (in my home, work, … ) , ‘blogging’ and ‘attending seminars’ are answers on many of the other questions. I generalize them into ‘personal development’.
Now you have a list with a generalized values. Count for each of your generalized values how many times they occur and rank them from high to low.
Now you have a list of about 10 ranked values. Double check the sequence of the list and remove doubles by asking yourself the question: ’When I have to choose between those two goals, which does my life demonstrate what I repeatedly choose?
Now you have your own value list. For example, my current value list is:
1. Personal development
Your life demonstrates what you value and what you fear
If you have completed the whole process in the correct way, you have now a powerful tool which can help you to understand yourself. This value list will also help you to build a vision about your future.
Living according your values will give you the most fulfillment now and in the future. However, there are 7 universal fears which can stop you. It is important to become aware of your own fears and stay alert. If you don’t do that, the fear will run you and will take so much of your energy that you cannot live according your own values. For example:
- The fear of authority can make my working life a hell – I have to focus on how I can deal with my bosses and directors.
- The fear of rejection can make my relationship fail – I have to focus on how I can share and stay open in my relationship.
- The fear of being poor can make it more difficult to become financially wealthy.
Some examples of where my life demonstrates my core values are:
- I love reading my favorite personal development books wherever I go
- I like to travel on my own to different places
- I like even more to travel for my work or with friends. I prefer traveling with Linda.
- What I love the most is traveling to attend seminars (personal development) with Linda (Relationship).
- If I make an appointment with a friend, he/she has to make it out-side the office hours. I will not drop my work. For Linda I can make exceptions as I value my relationship higher than working.
- I love running, swimming and other kind of sports and I keep it doing whenever I can.
- When I have the opportunity to learn ( personal development ) at my working space, I love to do that.
- Earning money, learning how to manage my money and to invest is high on my list. However if a friend calls me, that is more important.
- I love blogging about personal development even when it does not bring my a high financial benefit. However, I still prefer to get the financial benefit too
The highest values tend to become first fulfilled before all the others. This is very important to be aware of. For example, I tend to reach my goals about personal development more easy than my goals to become financial free. Becoming financial free is still an option and is likely to happen one day as it part of my first 10 values, but it would happen a lot faster when it would be in my top 3.
This was the first method to find your core values. In the next 2 posts I will explain 2 other methods. This will give you the opportunity to refine your current value list by matching them with the results of the other methods. Every time you find a matching value, you know you have a correct and stable value. If you don’t find a match, there is a need for refinement.
You will gradually be able to become more and more clear about your true values and how you can use them to live your life better by focusing on them!
I’m curious now. Could you find your core values with this method? Or if you already knew your core values, do they match with the ones you found with this method? Did you learn new things about yourself?
- What are your core values in life? – the series (1)
- Breakthrough experience seminar in London ( The results )
- The 7 universal fears
- 50 inspirational quotes of Dr John Demartini
- Book Review – The Breakthrough Experience – A revolutionary New Approach to Personal Transformation – Dr John Demartini